März 14, 2012


Posted in Erleben, Lernen, Lesen um 9:19 pm von deadra

I was always that kid.

The one that had just one more question after everybody else was ready to move on.
The one who wanted to know all about how and why and where and anyway, does it bounce when you drop it? (still, I find, one of the most important pieces of information to have about anything ^^)

It didn’t matter what the topic was, if I didn’t know it, then I had to find out right away, and adults who couldn’t answer my questions were an annoying obstacle in my quest. (They were adults…knowing stuff was what they were there for, after all.)

But everything changed once I had figured out how to read. Because that was when something momentuous happened – my parents took their encyclopedia (12 volumes, blue, with golden font – just beautiful) and moved it to a shelf that was low enough for me to reach.

That was probably the single most empowering thing anyone has ever done for me. To actually put everything there was to know right there, at my fingertips, whenever I wanted it.
There was so much of it, there wasn’t the slightest chance I’d ever get bored. But at the same time there wasn’t so much I’d be intimidated – I could hold the whole lot in my arms, after all. (Well…for a couple of seconds. Almost.)

Now, intellectually, I know that I have even more knowledge at my fingertips right now, and with my smartphone I can not only hold it in my hand, but even carry it with me.
But at the same time, the internet is vast and endless and what gatekeepers there are are highly specialised or unreliable.  Gaining knowledge there requires a kind of advanced rational literacy that I wouldn’t even have dreamed of when I was five.
The encyclopedia was dependable, reliable, and safe in the sense that I didn’t necessarily need an adult to read it with me to make sure I couldn’t stray into the weird world of porn. (Anyone who claims that using the internet effectively isn’t a skill that has to be learned is a liar who forgot their first embarassing misadventures on purpose.)

I owe that encyclopedia a lot, and I still miss it, sometimes, both for what it is and what it embodies.

And that’s why I think it’s so very sad that the Encyclopaedia Britannica is stopping the presses. Because the internet won’t fit on any bottom shelf, and the internet won’t ever belong to a little girl all to herself. And because I recently looked into my great-grandparents‘ encyclopedia, which is a little over 100 years old. What’s in there is just as informative as what isn’t. (Seriously… Mind. Blown.)

Losing that is a sad thing indeed.


Februar 29, 2012

Watched So You Don’t Have To – „In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds“

Posted in Erleben, Sehen um 11:37 pm von deadra

A few helpful facts about „In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale“

1) It is an Uwe Boll movie. If you don’t know what this means, consider yourself lucky and DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER (Seriously, I’m trying to spare you from this. Shoo! Enjoy your unsullied happiness elsewhere!). If you do know, proceed at your own risk.

2) It is the most LotR-ripping-off-est mess ever committed to celluloid, BUT

3) it also boasts a poor man’s Cirque du Soleil, ninjas, and one guy in the most inexplicable cowboy hat I ever saw. (Yeah, really.)

4) Uwe Boll has decided that a masterpiece like that needs a sequel. And – this is the unbelievable part – nobody stopped him. As a result we now live in a world where „In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds“ exists.


Funniest things about this? 1) Dolph never wears armour and 2) that woman is not in the film.

And because it exists, and because I’m morbidly curious in that endearing „I wonder what would happen if I repeatedly hit myself with THIS“-kind of way, and because I’ve consumed just the right amount of Dutch courage…I’m going to watch it, so you don’t have to.

A few more things before we start:

1) I won’t be responsible for any lasting damage to your soul should you read this and STILL decide that watching that film is a good idea.

2) The version I got has Swedish subtitles, which is fitting, what with Dolph Lundgren starring in it.

3) What you are about to read will be EXTREMELY detailed, because I’m a great believer in sharing my pain. Be prepared to deal with that.

Alright. Buckle your seatbelts, people – here we go!

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Mai 8, 2011


Posted in Erleben um 8:53 pm von deadra

Fun fact: I don’t like thinking about what I look like.

On good days, that’s because I genuinely don’t give a fuck. I wear flats because I can walk in them. I wear hoodies and jeans because they’re comfortable. I don’t wear make-up, and my hair is long because it’s by far the least trouble that way.
On not-so-good days, that’s because I have no clue how to even start doing something about it (so many things I don’t know shit about) and because I’m secretly convinced that it would be a hopeless waste anyway.

If I’m forced to think about what I look like, the day will go from „good“ to „not-so-good“ in about ten minutes.

This is what happened today. I’m supposed to go to a wedding. Now, I’m not the biggest fan of weddings anyway, but some of them can’t be avoided, because I actually care about the happy couple and they want me there and would it kill me to bite my tongue and spend one day smiling and pretending to be a social animal…and all of a sudden there’s a wedding on Saturday and even I realise that I can’t show up to my friends‘ wedding in jeans and a washed out hoodie.

Hence the agonising. Because I have no idea what to wear. I’ll have to find something. And then I’ll have to do something with myself to wear it properly.

I hate this. I hate the idea of putting on some kind of costume I’m not used to and failing miserably to come up with a way to make my hair look like, well, anything at all. I hate the idea of spending an entire day in shoes that make me look like a freak because I can’t walk in them. And most of all I hate the fact that, since this day is now very much a „not-so-good“ day, I am completely sure even the best efforts of people who know what they’re doing wouldn’t matter because it’d still me underneath, and I have never once in my life been elegant, let alone pretty.

And from that thought follows directly the idea that, if _I_ have this sort of gut reaction to seeing myself in the mirror, it must be even worse for other people. And really, never leaving my flat again would spare everybody a lot of grief.

And _that_, in turn, is when I know that I have to stop thinking about this shit and go to bed. Because somewhere in a sane corner of my mind, I kind of know that I’m not the hideous Gorgon I feel like right now…I’m maybe frumpy average with a large helping of clueless, but nobody has given me the Quasimodo-treatment just yet (and this isn’t me fishing for compliments, in case you were wondering – this is me typing what’s going on in my head)…but the feeling of investing in a paper bag, or chopping off my hair _right now_, or just curling up in a corner forever, it just won’t go away.

Hence gah.

I’m off to bed. Because tomorrow, I get to try and shop for clothes.

Mai 7, 2011

Long time no blogging

Posted in Erleben um 6:56 pm von deadra

I feel bad about not blogging anything much lately. The trouble is, most of the people who read this blog already _know_ what’s been going on, because they’ve been part of it. So yeah, there’s been some filming, some reading, some cinema-going, some alcohol-related experiments gone awry, but all of that is old news.

As for _new_ news…what can I say – I played „Angry Birds“ for the very first time today. (Yeah, earth-shattering, I know.)

I also downloaded the first „Portal“, because I’ve wanted to play it for ages and so I finally did, and it’s awesome.
It also broke my computer, I think, so I’m not going to be able to finish it until I win the lottery and can buy myself a fancy desktop that can run games without heating up enough for a family BBQ and then shutting down without so much as a warning (and then, when you try to switch it back on, refusing to acknowlege the existence of a keyboard).
So no „Portal“ for me :( And just when I finally managed to get through that live firing range, too. :( :( :(

[I’d like to remind my notebook that notebook hell is a very real place and that it will be sent there at the first sign of fucking with me like this again.*]

(* You’d get it if you played „Portal“…maybe. But if you did, don’t tell me. I don’t need to be reminded about the unfairness of it all ^^)

März 30, 2011

something to ponder…

Posted in Erleben um 11:31 am von deadra

…because I can’t seem to let this go.



By day –


By night –

„Transcend the sides of the force, my young apprentice.“


Just sayin‘.


März 29, 2011


Posted in Erleben um 1:45 pm von deadra

1. Illness still meh – BUT it get’s better. Sitting upright, able to breathe, able to focus for more than 5mins at a time without head exploding. Throat still on fire, but I have been promised that salt water – gargled and inhaled – will fix that eventually. I hope so, because meh. But having to sit over a steaming bowl of saltwater three times a day made me absolutely certain of two things: 1. This is not relaxing. It’s intensely unpleasant. Also fucking hot. 2. There is no way anyone will EVER get me to enter a sauna.

2. What with my newly acquired ability to focus (in between chugging insane amounts of tea), I have finally switched on my new phone for the first time. Can you believe that? I’ve had it here since Thursday, and I’m only now actually getting acquainted with it. And let me tell you, it’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s de-lovely (yes, I’m also listening to music ^^). That AMOLED-display is a thing of beauty….so many colours!!! Next step: Figuring out how to get the stuff I have on my old phone onto my new phone, because apparently, I wasn’t smart enough to save it all onto the simcard. Ah well…I’ve got time. And tea.

März 27, 2011


Posted in Erleben, Sehen um 7:57 am von deadra

1. I am still in bed. The good news is, it only hurts when I cough, or swallow, or breathe. The bad news is – I’ve pretty much written off my engagements on Monday, but I’d LIKE to keep the ones on Tuesday. I liked my plans for Tuesday. I want that Tuesday!!!

2. Even knowing that it wasn’t a good idea when I already had a headache, I could not help myself. I had to see this as soon as I discovered it.
People, the first trailer for „The Three Musketeers“ is here. Trust Paul W.S. Anderson to take a story, toss out the brains and replace them with ridiculous levels of awesome (with heavy emphasis on ridiculous). This film is any stereotypical teenage boy’s dream.

Personally, I have a couple of questions:
1.) Venice?!?
2.) Did Orlando Bloom borrow Adam Lambert’s hair?
3.) What on earth did they do to Matthew Macfayden’s voice?!? Who went and thought – „Arthos should really sound disturbingly like a poor impression of Christopher Lee.“?!?
4.) More generally: What.The.Fuck?!?

As you can tell from my reaction, I cannot wait to see this film. Preferably without a headache.

Anyway – judge for yourselves, my dears:

März 14, 2011

TV Show Meme

Posted in Erleben um 2:40 pm von deadra

from kalafudra, because obviously.

What TV shows do you currently watch?

Older Shows That I’m Finally Getting Around to Watching

None. Zero. Zilch. No idea why. But my „Must Watch“-list has a few items on it:

Farscape (becasue, really, how have I not watched that before?)

The Wire


Battlestar Galactica (I’ve been keeping that as something of a treat for myself ^^)


– several animes (Death Note, Chrono Crusade, Noir, Madlax, …)

– I imagine SG:U will fall into this category…unless I decide not to watch it at all, because the pilot was so utterly underwhelming.

Guilty Pleasure Shows

Hawaii Five-0. Yes, I watch that. It gives me pleasure because it’s so utterly ridiculous in such an earnest way. They’re taking themselves so very seriously, I can’t help but root for them.

– the entire Shonda Rhymes oeuvre (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, Off the Map) – I watch Grey’s because I’ve somhow become invested in the characters and in what’s going  to happen. Why I watch the others, I have no idea…but they are ridiculously entertaining (if not always on purpose).

Fairly Legal. So, I admit, I spend a lot of this show perving at Sarah Shahi. And at shirtless Michael Trucco. The rest of the time is spent wondering how the women in this show walk IN THOSE RIDICULOUS SHOES, hoping for more RDA screen time, enjoying Leo the superpowered PA, and laughing my ass off at the show’s portrayal of mediation. So yes, I look forward to this one every single week ^_^ (I’m also enjoying her gimmicky phone ringtones a lot more than I should ^^)

American Idol. Um. yeah. I usually only watch the castings, because those are genuinely interesting, but all of a sudden I’m rooting for people and all is lost. So…um…yeah.

Shows That Are Really, Really Awesome

Castle. I love it. Everything about it. I love that it’s an original, heartwarming show that will reference Firefly and Jules Verne and have everyone sing „Piano Man“ for no reason other than that they can. Also, Nathan Fillion.

NCIS. What can you do? Hands down the best old-fashioned procedural out there. They have gotten damn good at what they do. I know what I want to see when I put it on, and I can be certain that I’ll get it every single week.

Criminal Minds. Again, a show that knows what it’s doing and happens to be very, very good at it. Some of the best characters currently on TV, plus an amount of gore that is just this side of too much for my feeble stomach. And the guest stars – let me tell you, these people are EVIL in their use of guest stars.

The Chicago Code. Best of the new shows. I cared about the characters within about 5 minutes, and I love the gusto with which Delroy Lindo attacks his role as Alderman Gibbons. I’m still a bit worried about this one, because I felt exactly the same about Blue Bloods when it started, and stopped watching it about 5 eps in because it was so much easier to watch something less demanding instead. Also, since the shows are very similar, it would be interesting to compare them.

10 O’Clock Live. A weekly comedy/fake news programme on the UKs Channel 4 starring Charlie Booker (yay!!!), David Mitchell (yay!!!), Jimmy Carr (surprisingly not bleh) and Lauren Laverne (also surprisingly yay). It’s funny, it’s unashamedly partial, and it doesn’t assume its audience is stupid. As an additional bonus, it helps me keep up with politics in the UK, which is always a bonus. Oh, I love it.

Shows That I Continue to Watch Though I Don’t Really Know Why

CSI. I watch procedurals. I like them. Having said that, this is the best written and least gimmicky in a massive pile of Bruckheimer-mediocrity. You can sort of tell that work went into it, and that original work (ie characters you don’t want to slap all the time) is solid. But it suffers from the same plot-problems as its siblings. I watch it out of habit, simply because it exists.

CSI:NY. See above, although there is more tech-gimmick silliness there. There’s nothing about the show that particularly bothers me, and nothing I’m particularly enthusiastic about.

Harry’s Law. I want to like this so much more than I actually do.

NCIS:LA. Oh, I dunno….I used to love it for the blatant pandering to shallow slashers like myself, if for very little else. But they’ve been keeping the protagonists apart for the last few weeks, and my enjoyment has consequently faded. I’m waiting for this to get better, I really am.

Criminal Minds:Suspect Behaviour. This cast…ooooh, this cast. It is awesome. What they do with it is so incredibly not. A strange premise (how are they supposed to be different from the other team, exactly?), unengaging characters (it’s Jeneane Garofalo, people – how did you make her boring???), godawful scripts (really? That’s what you let Forest Whittaker say? How EVIL are you?), truly bizarre production decisions (a rundown gym with shitty lighting as their HQ? What are these people? The A-Team?!?)…I watch this one out of loyalty to the original show, love for Penelope Garcia, and admiration/pity for the actors more than anything else.

Everything Else

Amazing Race. How did I not know this existed until 3 weeks ago? I don’t care who these people are or how they feel about, well, anything, but the concept is awesome.

– The Daily Show. / The Colbert Report. I watch the first half of both shows. Don’t care much for the interviews, but the bits before are sometimes very funny, and sometimes very, very wrong – either way, they get a reaction from me, which is more than I can say for either of the CSIs I watch.

Current Shows That I’ve Been Meaning to Start Watching

Mad Men. In Treatment. Fringe (yeah, I know, I know). The Sarah Jane Adventures.

Currently On Break, But Awaited

Eureka. Warehouse 13Haven. Leverage. True Blood. Doctor Who. Torchwood. Lie to Me. Sherlock. Rizzoli & Isles. QI.

BONUS CATEGORY: Would Watch It If I Could Get It

University Challenge. Have I Got News For You. Mock the Week. Mastermind.

Looking Forward To

Game of Thrones. Duh.

März 11, 2011


Posted in Erleben um 12:35 pm von deadra

Damnit, I’m all over the place today…and that’s considering that the parts of today that actually count have barely even started.

I have no idea which way the wind is blowing, which way is up, or where my head is.

I wish life were a computer game so I could just jump off a ledge and start over at eight this morning.
But, alas, no jumping. Jumping would be inadvisable.

So instead, I get to ride out this rollercoaster day and hope I don’t throw up in anybody’s face. That, too, would be inadvisable.


On an unrelated note, should I let the guy who rejected my job application know that the name that his email-programme displays his first name only? As it is, I went directly from „Who the fuck is Joachim?“ to „What the fuck is _with_ Joachim?“ to „You don’t have a handle on your emails but you reject my application for your further education company? Really, Joachim?“…and possibly to „Well, fuck you too, Joachim. I need more coffee.“

März 9, 2011


Posted in Erleben um 3:35 pm von deadra

1.) It turns out Excel is a lot less deserving of my eternal fiery hatred than I had thought. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still no fun. But it turns out I could have saved a lot of not-fun-at-all-time if I had known what I was doing in the first place. Well, whaddayaknow…perhaps it isn’t actually the Prince of Office Evil, the Hastur to Access‘ Beelzebub. Or perhaps I’m overthinking this and need to be whacked over the head.

2.) I find I have more to do at the moment than I’ve had to do in the past 2 years taken together. I’m no longer accustomed to a normal person’s reasonable workload. This is exhausting. It also messes with my life in all kinds of ways, because it steals ALL of my useful Getting-Shit-Done-Time. Hence shit ain’t getting done, which is disspiriting. Somebody needs to promise me RIGHT NOW that I will get used to this eventually. Please.

3.) It has happened. I got sucked into George R.R. Martin’s „A Song of Ice and Fire“. My resistance melted, like a melting thing under a heat lamp, and all of a sudden I’m reading it and dreaming it and rooting for characters and really hoping that Catelyn would just go away already and … well, you know how it is. I haven’t even finished book 1 yet, but I’m already preemptively frustrated because I’ll have to wait YEARS to find out how it ends. (Why won’t you be my bitch, George R.R. Martin?)

4.) Found one of my old notebooks, which contains some of my unfinished stories. Since I never start a story unless I’m reasonably sure where it’s going to go and how it’s going to get there, I must have had a plan at the time. I must have. But that plan is long forgotten, and now I look at those lonely fragments and go „wtf?“. BTW – in case of my sudden death, kindly wipe my harddisk and burn my notebooks WITHOUT LOOKING INTO EITHER. Thank you.

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