On good days, that’s because I genuinely don’t give a fuck. I wear flats because I can walk in them. I wear hoodies and jeans because they’re comfortable. I don’t wear make-up, and my hair is long because it’s by far the least trouble that way.
On not-so-good days, that’s because I have no clue how to even start doing something about it (so many things I don’t know shit about) and because I’m secretly convinced that it would be a hopeless waste anyway.

If I’m forced to think about what I look like, the day will go from „good“ to „not-so-good“ in about ten minutes.

This is what happened today. I’m supposed to go to a wedding. Now, I’m not the biggest fan of weddings anyway, but some of them can’t be avoided, because I actually care about the happy couple and they want me there and would it kill me to bite my tongue and spend one day smiling and pretending to be a social animal…and all of a sudden there’s a wedding on Saturday and even I realise that I can’t show up to my friends’ wedding in jeans and a washed out hoodie.

Hence the agonising. Because I have no idea what to wear. I’ll have to find something. And then I’ll have to do something with myself to wear it properly.

I hate this. I hate the idea of putting on some kind of costume I’m not used to and failing miserably to come up with a way to make my hair look like, well, anything at all. I hate the idea of spending an entire day in shoes that make me look like a freak because I can’t walk in them. And most of all I hate the fact that, since this day is now very much a „not-so-good“ day, I am completely sure even the best efforts of people who know what they’re doing wouldn’t matter because it’d still me underneath, and I have never once in my life been elegant, let alone pretty.

And from that thought follows directly the idea that, if _I_ have this sort of gut reaction to seeing myself in the mirror, it must be even worse for other people. And really, never leaving my flat again would spare everybody a lot of grief.

And _that_, in turn, is when I know that I have to stop thinking about this shit and go to bed. Because somewhere in a sane corner of my mind, I kind of know that I’m not the hideous Gorgon I feel like right now…I’m maybe frumpy average with a large helping of clueless, but nobody has given me the Quasimodo-treatment just yet (and this isn’t me fishing for compliments, in case you were wondering – this is me typing what’s going on in my head)…but the feeling of investing in a paper bag, or chopping off my hair _right now_, or just curling up in a corner forever, it just won’t go away.

Hence gah.

I’m off to bed. Because tomorrow, I get to try and shop for clothes.

As for _new_ news…what can I say – I played „Angry Birds“ for the very first time today. (Yeah, earth-shattering, I know.)

I also downloaded the first „Portal“, because I’ve wanted to play it for ages and so I finally did, and it’s awesome.
It also broke my computer, I think, so I’m not going to be able to finish it until I win the lottery and can buy myself a fancy desktop that can run games without heating up enough for a family BBQ and then shutting down without so much as a warning (and then, when you try to switch it back on, refusing to acknowlege the existence of a keyboard).
So no „Portal“ for me :( And just when I finally managed to get through that live firing range, too. :( :( :(

[I'd like to remind my notebook that notebook hell is a very real place and that it will be sent there at the first sign of fucking with me like this again.*]

(* You’d get it if you played „Portal“…maybe. But if you did, don’t tell me. I don’t need to be reminded about the unfairness of it all ^^)

Because I saw „Red Riding Hood“ today and it had just enough Michael Shanks to make me squee, but nowhere near enough to make me happy -

Since assorted hiatus-es (… hiati? … hiatus?) are coming up in TV-land, I’m considering an epic re-watch or three…specifically of this show and its two spin-offs. So…WHO’S WITH ME?

Nobody?

Right.

But HBO has conveniently produced something to make up for my laziness. The theme is suitably middle-age-y, but look at the animation. I mean, seriously, look at it. And it will change as the plotlines move across the map, too. How awesome is that? I can’t wait to actually see the Eyrie. I am prepared to call this now – Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner for the 2011 Emmy for Outstanding Title Design. Mark my words. (If I’m wrong on this, I’m prepared to eat a lot of chocolate, both as forfeit and as consolation.)

Consider:

By day -

By night -

„Transcend the sides of the force, my young apprentice.“

Just sayin’.

2. What with my newly acquired ability to focus (in between chugging insane amounts of tea), I have finally switched on my new phone for the first time. Can you believe that? I’ve had it here since Thursday, and I’m only now actually getting acquainted with it. And let me tell you, it’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s de-lovely (yes, I’m also listening to music ^^). That AMOLED-display is a thing of beauty….so many colours!!! Next step: Figuring out how to get the stuff I have on my old phone onto my new phone, because apparently, I wasn’t smart enough to save it all onto the simcard. Ah well…I’ve got time. And tea.

2. Even knowing that it wasn’t a good idea when I already had a headache, I could not help myself. I had to see this as soon as I discovered it.
People, the first trailer for „The Three Musketeers“ is here. Trust Paul W.S. Anderson to take a story, toss out the brains and replace them with ridiculous levels of awesome (with heavy emphasis on ridiculous). This film is any stereotypical teenage boy’s dream.

Personally, I have a couple of questions:
1.) Venice?!?
2.) Did Orlando Bloom borrow Adam Lambert’s hair?
3.) What on earth did they do to Matthew Macfayden’s voice?!? Who went and thought – „Arthos should really sound disturbingly like a poor impression of Christopher Lee.“?!?
4.) More generally: What.The.Fuck?!?

As you can tell from my reaction, I cannot wait to see this film. Preferably without a headache.

Anyway – judge for yourselves, my dears:

What TV shows do you currently watch?

Older Shows That I’m Finally Getting Around to Watching

None. Zero. Zilch. No idea why. But my „Must Watch“-list has a few items on it:

- Farscape (becasue, really, how have I not watched that before?)

- The Wire

- Journeyman

- Battlestar Galactica (I’ve been keeping that as something of a treat for myself ^^)

- Caprica

- several animes (Death Note, Chrono Crusade, Noir, Madlax, …)

- I imagine SG:U will fall into this category…unless I decide not to watch it at all, because the pilot was so utterly underwhelming.

Guilty Pleasure Shows

-Hawaii Five-0. Yes, I watch that. It gives me pleasure because it’s so utterly ridiculous in such an earnest way. They’re taking themselves so very seriously, I can’t help but root for them.

- the entire Shonda Rhymes oeuvre (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, Off the Map) - I watch Grey’s because I’ve somhow become invested in the characters and in what’s going  to happen. Why I watch the others, I have no idea…but they are ridiculously entertaining (if not always on purpose).

- Fairly Legal. So, I admit, I spend a lot of this show perving at Sarah Shahi. And at shirtless Michael Trucco. The rest of the time is spent wondering how the women in this show walk IN THOSE RIDICULOUS SHOES, hoping for more RDA screen time, enjoying Leo the superpowered PA, and laughing my ass off at the show’s portrayal of mediation. So yes, I look forward to this one every single week ^_^ (I’m also enjoying her gimmicky phone ringtones a lot more than I should ^^)

- American Idol. Um. yeah. I usually only watch the castings, because those are genuinely interesting, but all of a sudden I’m rooting for people and all is lost. So…um…yeah.

Shows That Are Really, Really Awesome

- Castle. I love it. Everything about it. I love that it’s an original, heartwarming show that will reference Firefly and Jules Verne and have everyone sing „Piano Man“ for no reason other than that they can. Also, Nathan Fillion.

- NCIS. What can you do? Hands down the best old-fashioned procedural out there. They have gotten damn good at what they do. I know what I want to see when I put it on, and I can be certain that I’ll get it every single week.

- Criminal Minds. Again, a show that knows what it’s doing and happens to be very, very good at it. Some of the best characters currently on TV, plus an amount of gore that is just this side of too much for my feeble stomach. And the guest stars – let me tell you, these people are EVIL in their use of guest stars.

- The Chicago Code. Best of the new shows. I cared about the characters within about 5 minutes, and I love the gusto with which Delroy Lindo attacks his role as Alderman Gibbons. I’m still a bit worried about this one, because I felt exactly the same about Blue Bloods when it started, and stopped watching it about 5 eps in because it was so much easier to watch something less demanding instead. Also, since the shows are very similar, it would be interesting to compare them.

- 10 O’Clock Live. A weekly comedy/fake news programme on the UKs Channel 4 starring Charlie Booker (yay!!!), David Mitchell (yay!!!), Jimmy Carr (surprisingly not bleh) and Lauren Laverne (also surprisingly yay). It’s funny, it’s unashamedly partial, and it doesn’t assume its audience is stupid. As an additional bonus, it helps me keep up with politics in the UK, which is always a bonus. Oh, I love it.

Shows That I Continue to Watch Though I Don’t Really Know Why

- CSI. I watch procedurals. I like them. Having said that, this is the best written and least gimmicky in a massive pile of Bruckheimer-mediocrity. You can sort of tell that work went into it, and that original work (ie characters you don’t want to slap all the time) is solid. But it suffers from the same plot-problems as its siblings. I watch it out of habit, simply because it exists.

- CSI:NY. See above, although there is more tech-gimmick silliness there. There’s nothing about the show that particularly bothers me, and nothing I’m particularly enthusiastic about.

- Harry’s Law. I want to like this so much more than I actually do.

- NCIS:LA. Oh, I dunno….I used to love it for the blatant pandering to shallow slashers like myself, if for very little else. But they’ve been keeping the protagonists apart for the last few weeks, and my enjoyment has consequently faded. I’m waiting for this to get better, I really am.

- Criminal Minds:Suspect Behaviour. This cast…ooooh, this cast. It is awesome. What they do with it is so incredibly not. A strange premise (how are they supposed to be different from the other team, exactly?), unengaging characters (it’s Jeneane Garofalo, people – how did you make her boring???), godawful scripts (really? That’s what you let Forest Whittaker say? How EVIL are you?), truly bizarre production decisions (a rundown gym with shitty lighting as their HQ? What are these people? The A-Team?!?)…I watch this one out of loyalty to the original show, love for Penelope Garcia, and admiration/pity for the actors more than anything else.

Everything Else

- Amazing Race. How did I not know this existed until 3 weeks ago? I don’t care who these people are or how they feel about, well, anything, but the concept is awesome.

- The Daily Show. / The Colbert Report. I watch the first half of both shows. Don’t care much for the interviews, but the bits before are sometimes very funny, and sometimes very, very wrong – either way, they get a reaction from me, which is more than I can say for either of the CSIs I watch.

Current Shows That I’ve Been Meaning to Start Watching

Mad Men. In Treatment. Fringe (yeah, I know, I know). The Sarah Jane Adventures.

Currently On Break, But Awaited

Eureka. Warehouse 13. Haven. Leverage. True Blood. Doctor Who. Torchwood. Lie to Me. Sherlock. Rizzoli & Isles. QI.

BONUS CATEGORY: Would Watch It If I Could Get It

University Challenge. Have I Got News For You. Mock the Week. Mastermind.

Looking Forward To

Game of Thrones. Duh.

I have no idea which way the wind is blowing, which way is up, or where my head is.

I wish life were a computer game so I could just jump off a ledge and start over at eight this morning.
But, alas, no jumping. Jumping would be inadvisable.

So instead, I get to ride out this rollercoaster day and hope I don’t throw up in anybody’s face. That, too, would be inadvisable.

On an unrelated note, should I let the guy who rejected my job application know that the name that his email-programme displays his first name only? As it is, I went directly from „Who the fuck is Joachim?“ to „What the fuck is _with_ Joachim?“ to „You don’t have a handle on your emails but you reject my application for your further education company? Really, Joachim?“…and possibly to „Well, fuck you too, Joachim. I need more coffee.“